The Art of Reciprocal Giving

Engaging in the flow of giving with love and being grateful for everything received brings joy to the heart

Hi, I’m Sue and I write about the beauty and ingenuity of Nature, and how we can deepen our connection for our optimum health and wellbeing. Discover more Nature-inspired content on Spiral Leaf, Twitter and my video Nature Channel.

As we approach the end the year and the beginning of nights shortening on the turn of the Winter Solstice, there is no better time to reflect on the gift of giving and what it means to us during the festive season.

With more of us choosing to live a natural way of life, free from harmful materialism, we find ourselves looking for creative ways to give meaningfully from the heart. This is when we realise that each gesture of thoughtfulness, kindness and friendship given with good intention or received with gratitude is worth its weight in gold.

The true meaning of giving

I was surprised by the general Oxford Dictionary definition of giving that came up first in search and felt uplifted by its singularity and simplicity: providing love or other emotional support, caring.

This, in contrast to the Cambridge Dictionary definition further down the page which says nothing about love, emotional support or caring, rather: the act of providing money for something, especially to a charity or other good cause.

Once again, the true meaning of a beautiful word has been amended for commercial purposes - the results of which we experience on every calendar holiday in the form of costly wish lists and shopping lists that get longer every year.

My late Mum's Encyclopedic World Dictionary published by Hamlyn in 1971, has no less than twenty-six definitions for give, given and giving, not one of which contains any mention of money or charity. It proves that the true meaning has always meant to deliver freely, bestow, hand over or give someone a present.

I hope that this year we can breathe life into the spirit of giving in its true sense and think about what we can do for each other freely with love in our hearts.

As we approach the festive season, the spirit of giving can be experienced by giving gifts of ourselves that are worth their weight in gold because they are given with the recipient's best interests and happiness clearly in mind.

The joy of reciprocal giving

The joy of giving brings to mind the beautiful second chapter in Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer - The Gift of Wild Strawberries - which is dedicated to the concept of giving. She tells the story of gathering Wild Strawberries as a child and helping her Mother to make Strawberry Shortcake for her Dad on Father's Day. 

To conclude the chapter, The Gift of Wild Strawberries, Robin talks about gift exchange being the culture of choice, and when we see the world as a gift, we can form reciprocal relationships with each other and with Mother Nature. As Robin says: A gift relationship with Nature is a formal give-and-take that acknowledges our participation in, and dependence upon, natural increase.

Robin introduces the importance of intention and reciprocity in what could be called the art of giving and receiving. The high energy and joy that comes from generously giving and gratefully receiving is something we can all relate to.

Robin expresses this so well: Gifts from the Earth or from each other establish a particular relationship, an obligation of sorts to give, to receive and to reciprocate. The field gave to us, we gave to my Dad, and we tried to give back to the Strawberries.

There are a few things to consider when thinking about the concept of reciprocal giving and receiving. For some Indigenous Peoples, it stems from the knowledge that Sweetgrass belongs to Mother Earth. This is why pickers collect properly and respectfully, for their own use and the needs of their community. The Sweetgrass is woven into braids to give as gifts, to honour life and to say thank you. Their value increases with their passage until they are returned as a gift to the Earth.

The reciprocal act of harvesting, preparing and braiding Sweetgrass is likened to the act of braiding someone's hair. It is a personal exchange of love and care between two people, a shared experience where giving and receiving brings joy to both parties. 

Ways to give freely

When we know that the true meaning of giving is to provide love, emotional support and caring, the next step is to think about what we could give of ourselves in ways that would be most appreciated and beneficial to another.

It turns out there are a lot of things we could give to another human being, made better by understanding what might be most wanted or needed, and when and how it might best be given or received.

• Time and Space

• Truth and Love

• Appreciation and Praise

• Recognition and Reward

• Encouragement or Empathy

• Support and Helpfulness

• Kindness and Courtesy

• Patience and Tolerance

• Handmade Gifts

I am sure you can think of more. It was interesting working through this list, jotting down ideas for those who might appreciate a few drops of loving kindness, company and consideration at this moment in time.

The gifts of time and space, for example, might mean giving someone time to adapt, adjust or heal; it might mean being patient and listening for as long as it takes someone to tell their story; it might mean staying a bit longer or leaving someone to be on their own, or it might mean taking someone out into Nature to feel the light on their face and the wind in their hair.

The beauty is that none of these things cost very much and most can be freely given from the heart. Personalised gifts can be created from things found or foraged in Nature. Meaningful gifts can be exchanged or handed-down. It could be as simple as a smile given generously to brighen someone's day or words of encouragement given to help someone take an important step in their lives.

Give something good

One thing is for sure, human beings are programmed to give and research tells us we are biologically hard-wired to be generous. We know that feeling a sense of gratitude is incredibly good for us which means, scientifically speaking, we get real mental and physical benefits from sharing with others.

Back in 2017, Jenny Santi, author of The Giving Way to Happiness: Stories and Science Behind the Life-Changing Power of Giving, said that we had entered an era where it's cool to give. Dr. Beth McQuiston, a board-certified neurologist, said at the time: It's not about giving money; it's about care-giving and helping others.

While we have been distracted during recent years and purposefully separated from each other, the spirit of giving for the sake of giving, and being grateful for everything we receive, has perhaps been overshadowed by dramas on the world stage and the continuous hyper-marketing of throw-away goods and wasteful consumerism.

However, nothing ever stays the same as we return to those things that bring us the most joy. I heard a rumour that young people are making retro phones cool again which means less smart phones on festive wish lists this year.

And it might turn out to be true that an impromptu phone call or a visit for a chat and a cup of tea might just top the charts of gifts to be treasured and gifts to be thankful for as we approach the end of 2024.

I look forward to seeing you again soon.

Buy the book!

Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer

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