The Kindred Spirit of Kindness

The positive effects of kindness are scientifically proven to benefit our health, spirit, soul and sense of inner wellbeing

Hi, I’m Sue and I write about the beauty and ingenuity of Nature, and how we can deepen our connection for our optimum health and wellbeing. Discover more Nature-inspired content on Spiral Leaf, Twitter and my video Nature Channel.

Kindness is an inherent trait of being human and is something we learn through experience and practice. As social beings, we need the kindness of others to survive, especially when we are young. This is the same for sentient animals who appreciate the kindness of human beings.

According to the British Psychological Society, kindness is experiencing a boom. They say kindness is the new cool which brings joy to my heart.

This is supported by findings across various studies that suggest there has been an inexorable rise in what is known as Positive Psychology and that in today’s chaotic times, having something like kindness to believe in is vital for keeping us positive and hopeful.

Kindness in studies

Kindness is part of our make up as a human being. This means that kindness is felt at a cellular level. It is rooted deep within our biology and physiology – we respond to kindness and benefit from being kind in so many ways including:

• Reduces stress and anxiety: Socially anxious participants who engaged in acts of kindness for four weeks showed a decrease in social avoidance goals. The authors concluded: Engaging in acts of kindness is an effective way to reduce state-level social anxiety.

• Increases altruistic status: Across three experiments, the most altruistic members gained the highest status in their group. The authors reported: Our findings unequivocally show that altruistic group members received more status. They were more respected, held in higher esteem, and were more likely to be chosen as group leaders.

• Improves immunity and health: In a randomised-controlled trial, patients who rated their clinicians as showing greater empathy had reduced common-cold severity and duration, and increases in immune response levels.

• Strengthens your heart: Participants with high blood pressure were randomly assigned to spend payments on themselves or on other people. Those who spent money on others exhibited decreased blood pressure over the course of the study.

• A longer life: People who give of themselves in a balanced way also tend to be healthier and live longer.

• Increases your sense of wellbeing: Kindness has been proven to increase our sense of connectivity with others, decrease loneliness, combat low mood and improve the quality of our relationships.

[Appreciating tiny creatures is a great way to practice kindness. This little fellow needed time to walk across the gate in safety and it was my pleasure to let him do so].

Kindness in poetry

One of my favourite poems compares kindness to a garden full of flowers and fruits that require our constant care and joyful attention - just as the kindness that dwells inside every living soul requires our attention, nurture and practice.

Kind hearts are the gardens,

Kind thoughts are the roots,

Kind words are the flowers,

Kind deeds are the fruits.

Take care of your garden,

And keep out the weeds,

Fill it with sunshine;

Kind words and kind deeds.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

[My Generous Gardener Rose grown for my late Dad with fond memories of helping him in his Rose Garden when I was little - a gift I hold dear to appreciate such beauty and to know how to grow Roses of my own in his memory].

Kindness in self

To have a fully formed capacity for kindness requires us to first learn to be kind to ourselves and to practice self-compassion.

When we are not emotionally aware or when we are unkind to ourselves, it is very difficult to be kind to anyone else. This applies equally to being kind to creatures living in the natural world including our domestic animal companions and animals living in the wild.

We can learn a lot in this regard by studying Animal Archetypes as this help us to understand, respect, protect, communicate with and learn from our wise and earthly friends in the Animal World.

Cultivating a greater sense of self-compassion puts us in the right physiological, emotional and mental state to be kind to others. Actively being kind to ourselves takes work but the rewards make it so worthwhile. Here are some ideas:

Inner criticism and negative thoughts – Our inner critic is the one that chatters away and pesters us is a continuous loop. This is the work of the external mind-game programming we have been subjected to all our lives. This has become so firmly entrenched that we think such thoughts are our own when they are not. We are all aware of the shadow work we need to do to examine such intrusions, alchemise them with our love and send them on their way.

Postive words and affirmations– Countering our inner critic with encouraging words is a very powerful way to clear our minds of harmful and detremental thoughts that creep in unawares. The trick is to be mindful so that we can step in when the old programming kicks in. My current interrupter is: ‘Be your beautiful self’ or simply, ‘I AM beautiful’ - it works wonders every time.

Rest and natural rhythm – This is about giving ourselves the permission to take a break without feeling any guilt, shame or anxiety. It can be a difficult thing to do when (again) we have been programmed to shoe-horn ourselves into the toally unnatural nine-to-five regime. Not only does this upset our Circadian Rhythm, it also forces us to be creative and productive when we don’t feel like it or when we feel tired which defeats the object of being creative and spoils our day.

Pampering and treats – We all have things we love to do when we have the time and, unfortunately, pleasureable pursuits are the first thing to drop to the bottom of the TO DO list when we have other more important (often work-related) priorities. Nothing is more important than spending time with ourselves to rest, reflect and enjoy whatever pleasures we desire. Break the forever busy rule by making a date every single day to do something you enjoy and make this your top priority.

Self-soothing and touch – Physical contact with our own body boosts oxytocin which lowers anxiety and improves our mood. It has been shown to speed up our body’s healing mechanisms and immunity. If you are feeling upset or at a low ebb, try gently stroking your arm, running your fingers through your hair or holding your shoulders and feel the love!

Gratitude and thankfulness –  Practicing Daily Gratitude and appreciating Nature are powerful ways to raise our frequency and ground ourselves in the healing presence of Mother Earth. It’s a wonderful way to nurture a more positive mindset as it helps shift your attention to the things you love and already have, rather than focusing on the things you don’t love or don’t have. Start by writing down just 5 things a day you are grateful for and see the difference this makes to your day (or your quality of sleep).

[Kindness is everywhere when we choose to notice. This beautiful Robin came to sit with me when I was crying one day during the lockdown. He seemed to know I was upset and my appreciation and love for this beautiful bird knows no bounds].

Kindness in gifts

Kindness is a powerful emotion, especially when supported by discernment, empathy and compassion. In some cases, we might want to be kind to someone, but a failure to understand the other’s perspective or resonate with them emotionally, may result in us saying or doing something hurtful or insensitive.

Bearing this in mind, it is said that giving gifts of kindness without the receiver knowing it was you, is a wonderful way to give without having an expectation of receiving something in return. Remember that we can show kindness in every situation without exception when we know how to be kind to ourselves.

My favourite act of kindness is to show appreciation and to always say thank you. Another one is being kind to call centre operatives who have to stick to a prescribed script or protocol in the nine-to-five (or 24-7) regime. I like to think that my call to them will be the one that makes their day and makes them feel their work is worthwhile.

It is a fact that a little cheerful banter with a large sprinkling of kind words goes a long way!

I hope you enjoy thinking about all the ways you can be kind to yourself, others, animals and Nature’s creatures as a way to not only help you to feel love but also to raise the frequency of our collective consciousness and Mother Earth.

The kindness I have experienced here on Substack has helped me to be kinder to myself these last few months and to know that there is more kindness in this world than we know. I am going to write a post dedicated to the beautiful people I have met here and the kindness I have received so keep an eye out for this in the coming weeks.

In the meantime, let’s continue to be a beacon for kindness so that it spreads out to where it is most needed and shines a light on the goodness of humankind.

Thank you for being here and for reading this post - I look forward to seeing you again soon.